·|¦· ɪτs ᴊυsτ ωɪsнfυℓ τнɪиĸɪиɢ ·¦|· (5 زائر)

[Lady Eon]

رد: .. it's just Wishful thinking ..

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She knew he was not the one to love back, he wasn't
.to start an affectionate gesture; nor a small love talk
it was probably wise sometimes.. questioning the idea
that he had any love for in the first place, to ponder if
.he thinks about her the same way she did sometimes
- Regardless; she found in his coldness - cruelness too
traits to love. A glance, a ghost of a smile, a silent hug
or even the way he reached out to her warmth.. Hers
between all of the people they knew, he wanted to it
.be her
It's not bad to love him, is it? Her heart isn't mistaken
with promising to give him all of the love he never had
?is it​

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[Lady Eon]

رد: .. it's just Wishful thinking ..

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تُغامرنـي مشـاعر غريبـة مؤخـرًا؛ ممتزجـة بشكـل مـا
غضـب، خـوف، حـزن.. سعـادة، حنيـن.. اشتياق مـؤلم
لكـن أغربهـا هُـو ذالك التـذكر، فكـم هـو أنانـي وقـاس
يخيفنـي، بالرغـم من أنـه جميـل ولكـنه كـوردة زُيـنّت
بأشواك.. أخـاف في كُـل مـرة أن لا أتذكـر كـل شي، ،
أننـي بـدأت أنسـى أمـورًا تعنـي لي الكثيـر وأرتعـب
وبشـدة أننـي ربمـا في يـوم مـا عنـدمـا أحـاول أن
أتذكـر لا أستطيـع..

فـ كيـف لـي أن أحلـم بـه وأنا لا أتـذكر وجهـه..
كيـف لـي أن أدعـه يُنأدينـي وأنا أعلـم أنني لن
اتعرف عليـه..
لمـا أشعـر بأنني أغـرق.. وأنأ مـازلـتُ أتنفـس..؟​

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[Lady Eon]

رد: .. it's just Wishful thinking ..

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In the middle of their lifeless talk she glanced up
he seemed that he has forgotten about her, about
them. She watched snow fall carelessly around her
resting upon her hair, melting seconds after it fell
on her face. She was quiet but so was he.. it didn't
look good at all, they have collided already; but the
destruction was too great for her.. she couldn't feel
a thing.. maybe there will be that screaming pain
coming towards her faster than a bullet train.. but
she hated it, she loathed how everything turned here
they are here.. but they are not the same, 'cause
two years is a long time; to deal with the loss of
someone you love. Loss changed her, after being
promised with what she needed the most; to not
be left behind, alone in this shit hole of world she
lives in. But he left, without a word he left her and
dared to appear in her path.. careless and foolish
He is not to be forgiven even if he dropped
..on his knees; begging for it
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[Lady Eon]

رد: .. it's just Wishful thinking ..

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إقتباس:
نبشنا الأول سيكون في ذاكرتكم المدرسية


أووه! ذكريـاتـي بـ هالمرحلة لا تُعـد ولا تُحصى،، أكثـر مرحلة حبيتهـا كآنت المتوسط بـ حُكـم إني كُنت بفس الفصل
مع صديقـة عُمـري؛ نُهـى. كُنـا نعرف بعـض من سنين بـس بثالـث متوسـط كانت أول مرة تكون مع بعض في الكلآس،
أذكُـر مرة من كُتـر م احنـا نهرج مع بعض مدرسـة الرياضيـات غيـرت مقاعدنـا
خلتنـي أجلس قُـدآم نووهـي وكمل الدرس عـادي وبيـن الشرح رسلت ورقـة صغيـرة أسـال نهى عن حل التمرين
اللي فـات.. طبعًا بمـا إنـه أنـا ونهـى قلبنـا النوتـة إلى رسومات وضحـك وأشيـاء تانيـة ومن كتر ما كتبنا فيهـا صارت
شيفرآت نجي للموقـف المُحرج واللي ما يتنسى؛ معلمة الرياضيات شافت الورقـة بمكتب نهى وجآت تقرأ مدري
كيف دماغهـا قرأ "مالت على المُدرسة" بس بالواقـع كان الكـلام "مالت على الدرس مب فاهمة شي" و
"المُدرسة تشرح ركـزي" وفـوق ذا كُلـه المعلمة قـرأتهـا بصوت عالي وعاتبتنـا على إننا ممتازات وكيف نعمل كدا بكا1

دركـم لله أنا أتمنيـت الأرض تبلعني وما أكـون بـ زي ذا الموقـف ثـاني.. والمُشكلـة ما رضيـت تسمع لتوضيحنـا ص7
وخلت الدرس مشروح والبنـات كلهم "يحـدقـوا" فينـا بشرار يتطاير من أعينهن.

..... ...... ......... ..

موقـف ثـاني مُحـرج.. بالأحرى غيـر متوقع ولليوم مب عـارفة كيف صـار

كآن عنـدنا حفـل تكريـم ومدري شنـو يوم الثـلآثاء بـ آخر حصص اليـوم؛ جمعـوا كُل طالبـات المتوسـط على إنه حفل
وحركـآت بركـآت. طبعًا أختكـم في الله مب راعية هالأ شيـاء،، قعدت ورا مع صديقـاتي وأهرج بصوت منخفض مع نهى
ونرسم كاركتير للوضع الحالي بدفترنـا الأسود وفـوق ذا كلـه نلون الرسمات المُهم كنت بحـالي ومندمجة 100%
وإلا فجـأة أسمع "الطالبـة المثاليـة على صـف ثالث متوسط أمنيـة أسـامة" ما أخبي عليكـم إني أنا والبنات
مرينـا بثواني من الصمـت بوسط التصفيق والمهرحان وحالنا يقـول "اللي سمعناه صح ولا نتهيـأ؟؟؟" جاتني المُعلمـة
تقـول ليّ إن أقوم وأستلم الميداليـة لأنه فعلًا أنا اللي نادوهـا أسـوأ ما في الموضـوع من قـوة الصـدمة رجلي اليمين
نـامت صـرت أمشي وأعرج شوي وفيني مليـون مشاعر بنفس الوقـت حتى بعد ما سلمت على الوكيلـة
والمديرة كنت مصـدومـة!!

رجعـت لنهى وأول شي سألتـه كـآن:
-"مووني إيش اللي صـار؟"
-"مدري!!"

حتى هي بدال ما تفرح لي انصدمـت،، وللحين لمـا أشوف الميداليـة أضحك على ذاك اليوم



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[Lady Eon]

رد: .. it's just Wishful thinking ..

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It was one of her sorrow drunken nights, where she sat down on the floor falling deeper into her
reminiscing of what was before. She wasn't one to linger on the past.. what she could do when what
.she had lost was all of her life? Times when she woke up happy and slept happy
it was not to take lightly, losing what you have searched for your entire life. it changes who you are
.you become a different person.. which is what happened to her
Closing her glossy eyes; she tried to shut away the silent memories and event.. when everything around
her seemed to carry a piece of her; reminding her of him. It could be anything. the sound of rain drops
;the crashes of the sea waves.. even the starry nights.. they all reminded her of him
..the longest and loneliest love she ever had for someone
Anyone
But closing her eyes did not work, it only made her see his face.. the face that quietly showed
his unforgiving past.. He was not to be loved; he did want it or need it. But helplessly she did, despite
what she was told so many times. She deeply loved him, even though he did not know love or understand it
she loved everything about him.. the smallest taint of feeling in his icy hues whenever he was about to kiss
her forehead, the gentle patting her gave her back to assure her.. He never admitted it
.but she knew they came from the heart, his heart

But it's gone, all of it.. it gone to no return. He will never be back to her arms, to listen to her talk
..to ease her nightmare filled nights, he cared for her as if it was his second nature
She missed him more than she missed who she became with him, he was the light house that guided
.her away from her darkening past. But he's no more.. even if it hurt like hell, she couldn't hate him
After all, her wish came true.. She wished that he had what he wanted, even if it turned out to not be
Her
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[Lady Eon]

رد: .. it's just Wishful thinking ..

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?Where did they go? Where did they all disappear into
And why.. why was she the only one who had these precious.. yet painful memories left with her
to remember, to feel how horrible it is not not live them once again she did wish.. sometimes prayed
.to re-write the events once again and this time make sure that she would forget as well
But that was the price she has to pay for the dept of changing his life.. and hers, even if the latter wasn't
.what she wanted, not even close
She wonders often, if there is a small shred of her with him, like a selfish ghost tagging along with him
it would be fair for him to remember, wouldn't it? To know that he had broken the promise he had made
with her. Other times she hoped he'd dream of her.. Even if she was a faceless person in the background
but took back her hopes whenever she realized that it was not right, that staying this way would be
something he wouldn't like her to do. However, losing what you built with your own hands for years
will take time to get over. And it took her years to have the life she didn't have long enough, him.. She didn't
have enough of him, if only he was there for a little longer.. if only she was able to say out loud
..her regrettably unsaid words


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[Lady Eon]

رد: ·|¦· ɪτs ᴊυsτ ωɪsнfυℓ τнɪиĸɪиɢ ·¦|·

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.I've had it all in me, their love.. their trust
Yet it wasn't what I've been searching for, it wasn't what I've longed for
You see, in this life you need a purpose, something to aim at and make
your way to it, but in my case; I had none.. never had one but between the things I had in my life
.I didn't find it. That one thing that I would devote myself to head towards
.Well.. stuff like that happen.. at least this is what I like to think

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[Lady Eon]

رد: ·|¦· ɪτs ᴊυsτ ωɪsнfυℓ τнɪиĸɪиɢ ·¦|·

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Think of me when you're out
When you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way too fairly
Well it's a shame I'm a dream

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you


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[Lady Eon]

رد: ·|¦· ɪτs ᴊυsτ ωɪsнfυℓ τнɪиĸɪиɢ ·¦|·

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,We all learn to make mistakes and run from them
.with no direction we'll run from them with no conviction
And now I'm told that this is life that pain is just a simple compromise
so we can get what we want out of it

..

Girls and boys keep lining up to see if they can measure up
they look good, and they feel wild, but it will never be enough
you say you're really hurting, at least you're feeling something
we can hope and we can pray that everything will work out fine
.but you can't just stay down on your knees, the revolution is outside


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[Lady Eon]

رد: ·|¦· ɪτs ᴊυsτ ωɪsнfυℓ τнɪиĸɪиɢ ·¦|·

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I am out of my element find me somewhere at the bottom
in a room full of silhouettes telling me I'll never stop them
So they follow me home
and they hollow my bones

oh they won't let me go so they swallow me whole
but they won't let me go
I never wanted this to happen never wanted this to die
but I've pushed myself down so far I couldn't come back if I tried

I play the victim with my regrets they're pulling me down to the bottom
painting circles inside my head they tell me that I have to watch them
So they follow me home
And they hollow my bones


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